Man visits doctor with apple stuck in mouth,
celery stuck in each ear and a carrot stick up each nostril.
He mumbles ' Doc, I'm just not feeling well.'
Doctor replies, 'Maybe you're not eating right.'
I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals,
it's because I hate vegetables!
- Woody Allen
What's the difference between boogers and broccoli ?
-Kids don't eat broccoli.
Have you heard of the garlic diet?
-You don't lose much weight, but from a distance,
your friends think you look thinner.
A man had a parrot that could talk.
Unfortunately, it swore a lot.
In an effort to get the parrot to be quiet,
he put him in a cupboard.
The parrot continued swearing and after a while
the man decided to put the bird in the freezer.
After that, the parrot started swearing even more.
After a few minutes, he suddenly became quiet.
The man opened up the freezer
and the parrot said,
"I'm sorry, sir, it will never happen again."
As the man took the bird out of the freezer
he wondered what the difference was
between the cupboard and the freezer.
Just then, the parrot said,
"So, uh, what'd the chicken do?"
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